In my heart are the people who taught me the meaning of unconditional
My great grandma’s funeral was awkward. I was 12, and there were so many people I didn’t know! I felt like a such small piece of all the people who missed her.
After the ceremony, my siblings and I waited in a room with all of our extended family. I was sitting on a chair that was too tall, kicking my heels, waiting around as you do when you’re the youngest person in the room. Someone, I can’t for the life of me remember who - maybe I didn’t even know them, came up to me and rubbed circles on my back and whispered:
“You don’t even know how important you kids were to her. She was so proud of you all. You were her whole world.”
And then the world went fuzzy, and I cried a lot. Still to this day I don’t think I’ve ever felt more important or loved than in that moment. The idea that my great grandma was living her life, telling people I didn’t know about how proud she was of me, was humbling.
As an adult, I can only imagine how much I’d treasure great grandchildren if I ever had any. I can already see the love and pride my parents, and my in-laws have for their grandchildren. That moment, at 12 years old, was the first time I really understood or even realised what unconditional love was. I’d never once tried to impress my great-grandma, or be particularly special. In fact, I’m sure she had seen a tantrum or two, but loved me that much just because. As I’ve grown, that feeling has stayed with me. I always want the people I love to know they’re important to me.
The other thing I remember clearly about that moment, sitting on that chair, swinging my feet, was the presence of my sister sitting next to me. There are two types of people in this world: those that understand and have relationships that are quiet, unassuming, and unconditional, and those that don’t. Group A will have grown up with sisters, friends, or mothers with whom they enjoyed the simple practice of coexisting.
At 12 years old, I didn’t now it, but the mornings I spent sat by the hot air vent doing my “makeup” in the mirror with my sister, as the radio told us all the latest vapid Hollywood news set me up for a very high standard of partnership. That kind of side by side growth gets ugly, and messy. The people you love do things that let you down and you do too, but you cheer each other on anyways. You learn to trust them with your whole heart. They’re the people you shoot you a look at as soon as someone says something, because you both know you know the same thing - sometimes even before that thought is fully formed. It’s this side-by-side growth that teaches you to know a persons face before they even know it themselves.
I love it, and I love seeing young people discovering that kind of partnership. Last October, I was in my hometown doing wholesome Canadian autumnal things, and I took a trip to the local farm for their Autumn festival with my sister. Every year they have a corn maze, pumpkin patches, a petting zoo of farm animals, pony rides; the whole lot. We took my nephew out on the tractor ride to the pumpkin patch. There were these two girls dressed outrageously in animal face hats and big winter coats (it was -1 celsius) and they were having the best time. As they screeched and laughed and made jokes that were only funny to each other, my sister and I started laughing too, not even needing to catch each other’s eye. They get it. We get it.
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